


Respawn

by RunawayDog



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:31:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6519820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunawayDog/pseuds/RunawayDog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scout had a respawn accident. A pretty bad one actually. He doesn’t know how serious it was so he tries to act like nothing happened, but – Let him tell the rest of the story. After all, this is the reason he invited the whole team two weeks later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I wrote this fic two years (minus one month) ago. This is the first thing I've ever written in English. And since I have a pretty nasty writer's block, I decided to give this old lad some polishing. I still don’t have a beta-reader so grammar mistakes may occur even though I tried to find them all.

> **Respawn** : Also known as spawn, respawn is a gaming term used to describe the action of a computer player or human player coming back to life after being killed.  _(Urban Dictionary)_
> 
>  

”So you wanna hear the story, right? The _whole_ story. Alright, I’m gonna tell ya, otherwise I wouldn’t sit here where I’m sittin’ now. But don’t expect me to be detailed, I’m still a bit dizzy and… and, which word did he use? Oh, yeah. " _Mentally unstable_ **".** Am I right, doc? Yeah, see? He nodded. So all I wanna say is that it’s still a bit blurred in mah head. Like… like seeing through a dirty window or, as in a dream. You can follow, right? Great. Before I start, I still have one request: don’t interrupt me. I know, you really love to shut me up but if you don’t wanna hear it, just walk away. I won’t be offended or anythin’ okay? If you wanna say something, you can raise your hand, but only if it’s important, I mean, really important. If you see me turning into a lil’ emotional shit, just… let it be, guys. It’s not like you are forcing me to tell ya. I chose it and I know there will be consequences. An’ by knowing I mean I don’t really give a shit about them. This whole situation's already as fucked up as it could be. So, where shoulda’ start?”

_Oh yeah, the battle. As you know… or may know…_

I stop here. I can already feel my cheeks turning red. I turn towards Sniper as he is sitting next to me – we’re sharing a long wooden bench-thing, from which we have six, placed around the campfire in a circular shape.  
  
 "How much do they know?” I whisper into his ear.  
 "About what, the story?”  
 "Nope. About us.”  
 "Uh, I don’t know.” he says hesitantly, "Enough, I guess.”  
His face remains calm. I think it’s a good sign.  
 "Alright. So I can tell them.”  
 "Sure thing.” I catch him smiling before I turn back to the others.  
 "As you may know, we, Snipes and me, kinda… you know, we…” I feel like my head is on fire and I just can’t finish the sentence. I bit my lower lip instead. What if they-?  
 "We are together.” He comes to my rescue, reaching for my right hand afterwards. For a second I don’t want to let him touch it, then I realize that it was finally said and we don’t have to hide it anymore (not that we could after what happened two weeks ago) so I let his fingers slip through the space between mine. I feel mortified so much I cannot look up anymore, so I’m just starin’ at my shoes. I thought when the moment comes to tell everyone I won’t really care about their opinion. But look at me now, I’m _paralyzed_. Oh cmon, why can’t I fake my confidence this time?! The awkward silence that follows quickly reminds me that they are waiting for me to continue.

_So, um, where was I? On the day of the battle we’ve been together for… like four months or somethin’ and I had this little habit, you know, that-_

 I feel a dry, warm hand on my chin, pushing my head upwards. So you want me to look them in the eye? Okay. But… just for you, Snipes. Just because you ask. I let him gently pushing my head upwards.

_So I had this habit, that um, when I had a second or so, I looked up at the point where he was. I just checked him out, you know, making sure he is okay. So that day when I’ve just captured the second point not long ago and there were no REDs around, - and if there were any it wouldn’t have mattered cuz they couldna done a thing to take the point back - I looked up as usual, saw his back and I thought, oh, well, he’s fine. He was looking outta the window on the other side. I sighed in relief and I was about to go when I saw somethin’ in the corner of mah eye.  It was the RED Spy, coming towards Sniper. He didn’t even bother to cloak himself, he didn’t need to. I knew the place: there were just a few windows on that corridor and it had only one exit, the other being a dead-end where Snipes was. When I realized what’s happenin’ I started to run as fast as I could, but by the time I arrived there that prick was already at the end of the corridor, ready to backstab Sniper. What did I do? You already know, right? I grabbed my bat and I was ready to beat him into a pulp but the sneaky bastard noticed me and vanished. I couldn’t believe it. That motherfucker just slipped out of my hands like a fucking eel! The next thing I remember, I felt something in my back, the pain came and I fell over. I couldn’t move, my body was just a big bunch of jelly and I heard rumbling noises but couldna lift my head so I just stared at the fuckin’ wall. Then I saw Snipes, he was sittin’ on his heels in front of me and I saw fresh blood drippin’ off of his Kukri which calmed me down a bit. I smiled at him and I remember telling him something like ’Watch your back, old man!’ and then we heard from the speakers that we won so he dropped his weapon on the floor and grabbed me and made me sit, wrapping one hand behind me cuz I couldn’t sit by a wall thanks to that fucking knife that was sticking out of mah back an-_

  
 "Could you make it short, sissy? Nobody cares about your romantic remarks. We are on a battlefield!” Soldier interrupts.  
I only answer with a shrug. What can I say? I think he doesn’t get what I said earlier.  
 "Shut up, wanker!” says Sniper, sitting next to me, "It’s his story, let the boy tell it the way he likes.”  
I turn my head towards him and he smiles back at me. Guess I’m the only one who sees how messed up he is under that smile. There’s no way two weeks can be enough for him to get over it, nah, it’d be a fucking miracle. And still he fools everyone with that pretty smile of his. Everyone but me. As I look back at Solly, he sends me a little nod, still with an unsmiling face.   
 "As I said earlier, if you don’t like it, or don’t wanna hear it, you can leave. I won’t be pissed, we’ll still will be pals. So yeah, feel freakin’ free to leave. Can I continue?”  
I take the upcoming silence as a ’yes’.

_So he grabbed me and looked at me with his worried puppy eyes and I didn’t understand. I mean, we could see each other again after respawn, right? But he still seemed upset. I thought it was pretty useless, wasting emotions on stuff like this._

_"Don’t worry” I said but then I coughed up some blood so guess it wasn’t so convincing._  
_I felt the enormous pain in my back, aching with every breath I took but I still tried to smile at him, to calm him down, you know. I also said something, something like „See you at the respawn point” before he hugged me and pulled the knife outta me and I blacked out. I knew everyone else will be on the base by the time I’ll respawn as I must have been the last victim so the last one to be respawned._

I take a deep breath. I can feel Sniper’s hand shaking – he knows what’s coming and the memory still hurts him. I reach towards our hands with my other hand but then I lose my balance and almost fall off but he grabs me and pulls me into his lap. I look at him gratefully – sittin’ on this wooden shit became quite uncomfortable for me. He seems to be okay with it. Being a sniper, he got used to sitting motionlessly for long periods. I take another deep breath and squeeze his hand with both of mine. I want him to know that it’s okay know. I’m not going anywhere.

  
_You know what happened next, right? We went through the respawn process countless times. But this time, it was different._


	2. Chapter 2

_When I woke up, I noticed two things: nobody was there and instead of standing on my feet, I was on the floor. It was really weird. I wanted to run away, find Snipes and join the celebration - we won after all - but I couldn’t even stand up. I felt weak as hell. I yelled for him, hoping he would arrive in any second and help me standing up. I thought that this dizziness was just a side effect of being freshly respawned - I have no idea how the respawn system works after all. I waited for what seemed to be half an hour, yelling as loud as I could but nothing happened. As my voice echoed from the walls, it seemed to be ridiculously weak, like it didn’t even belong to me. So being fed up with the idling, I clenched my fists, trying to fight the pain in my back and finally stood up. I still felt tired like I just ran a hundred circles around the base. I kinda walked like a zombie but I couldn’t care less, being left alone made me more nervous than my own physical state. I walked all over the whole place twice, yelling till I couldn’t yell more, till my throat started to hurt. I yelled, begged then whispered and almost cried. I felt I’m gonna reach my breaking point soon. I wished this all was a prank, like Demo just gonna jump outta a bush and say ’Gotcha, lad!’ or somethin’ but nothing happened. So I walked back to the place where I died the last time, to Snipes’ nest. It was unexpectedly dirty, the whole place needed a good sweeping, like it’d been a while since anyone came up here, which was odd, ‘cuz there was a battle here not long ago. But the view was so great from there, I watched the sunset, the whole thing which I usually don’t do. Then laid down the cold metal floor. I thought, ’well maybe if they weren’t searching for me before, they can wait till the morning. There was no way I could walk back right now, anyway.’ I was shaking cuz of the cold, felt like I could throw up in any moment and I was reckless for sleeping there… but I didn’t care – I was too tired to think rationally. I fell asleep; my last thoughts were ’bout Snipes. In the morning I already felt stronger than the day before and hungry, which I assumed was a good sign. I felt something in my mouth which I found out to be blood when I sat up and split it out. Still, I tried not to be too anxious about it. I figured that maybe my respawn took a few days, so you guys might already be on the base, waiting for me to come back. The thought filled me with energy and I felt I was ready to go ’home’ – back to the base. So I started running. Geez, it felt so good, the cold fresh air, the open space, sun shining, you know, the usual stuff. I reached the base in the early afternoon, went straight to the common room, but it was empty. I couldn’t recall any occasion when there wasn’t anyone in the room. There was always someone: Soldier watching TV, or Spy, having a cigarette, or Medic and Hardhat, talking about science stuff I couldn’t understand a word from, or even Demo, sleeping on the couch._  
  
“You know after… after what happened we realized how precious each day was what we still can-” Sniper interrupts.  
“Oh, shut up… please. You make me keep forgetting where I was.” Being who he is for me is not an excuse for interrupting me. I move a bit, searching for a more comfortable position in his lap and after I find it, Snipes puts his hands around my waist, and I have this urge to complain about it because he makes me look like a friggi'n girl but then I remember how messed up he is and I fight it.

  
_So, this time the room was empty. It was also strangely tidied up, no smells, no noises, vomit or guns, nothin’ usual. It was like nobody lived there! Then I heard footsteps from the other side of the room. It was so sudden, after I stood there silently for long minutes that it made me jump. These loud, slow steps were unmistakable, they belonged to Heavy. He passed me without looking at me; I wondered if he even noticed me. I followed him to the kitchen cuz I needed someone to talk to, I was full of questions. So I was jus’ standing there, waiting for him patiently to get from the fridge whatever he was looking for – which turned out to be a sandwich – then I opened my mouth. It was not an easy task to speak, my voice was weaker than I thought it’d be, obviously from the yelling, and man, my mouth was so dry..._  
_So I was like “Yo, Heavy, wazzup?”_  
_And he dropped his sandwich. I dunno if ya ever seen him dropping his food - food! - but I ain’t, and man it freaked me out._  
_“Get lost” was all he said, looking at me with those eyes which could’ve belonged to a dead fish as well. It crept me out so much, I froze in my place and remained silent, watching him get the sandwich from the floor and walk away. And I started to wonder: why did he say that? He didn’t even hesitate; also he didn’t seem to be happy to see me again. What the hell? I was sure he knew something that I didn’t. I wanted to go after him and ask him but my rumbling stomach interrupted me. I hadn’t eaten for almost a day, but it felt like it’s been a week which was weird. I wanted to eat so badly but since I’ve kept coughing up some blood, eating didn’t seem to be a good idea. So I drank some water and then headed to Medic’s office. Passing through the common room, I found it empty again. I thought that maybe there was a meetin’ or something, in which case I could find you all in the ’war room’ but I wanted to check out the office first. On my way, I bumped into Pyro. When he noticed me, he stopped and mumbled something very excitedly. I know I could have understood what he was saying if I really wanted to but I was too tired to try._  
_“Good to see you man” I answered but he shook his head. There was something else he wanted to tell me. He did something which I thought was a disappointed sigh and held his finger up, asking me to wait, then ran away, just like that. I shrugged. I was like, aw man, I’m feeling the room spinnin’ around me, I ain’t waiting for that damn Pyro. So I didn’t. I knocked on Doc’s door and opened in when I was given the approval. He was writing something, you know how he works, didn’t even look up, he was just like “Please be quick, I’m-“_  

What? Stop laughing! I’m not very good at accents, okay? Ah, shut up already! Great, thanks. So he was like

  
_“Please be quick, I’m busy right now”_  
_“Yo Doc!” I tried to be polite and calm, ya know, but it was hard to speak. I couldn’t control the shaking of my voice. “I was wonderin’ if you could-“_  
_“Go away.” his voice was so deep and slow and shit it was threatening. ‘t was like, like he needed great effort not to be angry. The idea that he wanted to send me away without even looking at me or asking why I came made me pissed. What the hell is wrong with everyone?!_  
_“No, unless you tell me, why.” I grabbed the corner of his desk to prevent myself from falling over. I can’t remember clearly, but my voice may have hit an aggressive tone, because he stood up so quickly, it took me by surprise and I almost lost my balance._  
_“Leave me alone you bloody pol-”_  
_Poltergeist? Yeah... that, or something like that. I had no idea what did that goddamn German word mean. When I remained where I was he started to fling his bone saw and the only reason I could jump out of its way was because I have damn good reflexes. Still it was a miracle I didn’t slip and fell, being weak and all. For a second, all I could do was looking at him. He seemed to be so… unfocused. He was just swinging that damn thing furiously, didn’t care whether he hits me or not. It was ridiculously easy to grab his arm._  
_“The fuck, doc?” I squeezed his hand a bit to make him drop his weapon. “What’s wrong with you guys? I’ve just returned, respawned, you’d say, alive again after I dunno how much time and nobody… NOBODY seems to be happy about it!” I let go of his hand and he let it fall down and looked up at me, with that numb look on his face, losing all his anger out of sudden._  
_“No, you are not.”_  
_“What?”_  
_“You are not alive. You are not real. Just an error again.”_  
_“ I can’t follow you. What do you mean-’’_  
_“Because I couldn’t save you.” His voice was so dull, so… lacking the sharpness he usually had in it, the… the pride and confidence._  
_“What? No, stop thinkin’ about that, Medic. We agreed that ‘til the end of the round, you’ll heal Soldier, remember?”_  
_“I’m so sorry we couldn’t bring you back, Scout. I’m so sorry. How many times do I have to repeat until you leave me alone? I wish I could have saved you-“_  
_“No! It’s not your fault, never was. See? I’m okay now. As alive as I can be!”_  
_He sat down again and just looked at me, letting a long sigh out. How is that I suddenly became the one calming him down? I sounded like I was apologizing him!_  
_“Geez, stop staring at me, you freak me out!” He still didn’t stop so I turned away from him a bit to watch the wall next to him._  
_“I just came here to ask for help and what do I find? Self-pitying. Like- like you were a different person! The Medic I know doesn’t agonize over the fact that he couldn’t save a fricking Scout once! Dude, you weren’t even there when I was killed! What the fuck happened while I was away? What? Tell me! I’m dyin’ to know! You hear me?!”_  
_I was shouting from the top of my lungs, voice cracking and all and but he didn’t answer me. He just sat there, watching me with that shameful expression of his, giving up the whole thing completely. It made me so angry, I walked away but before that I slammed the door so hard my arm started to hurt. Solly was watching TV when I walked through the common room again. He looked at me for a second then turned back to the TV. I didn’t even want to think about what to say this time. I was too tired to start shouting again. I just wanted to go to my room. I needed some time to figure out what to do next._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think - as most of the amateur writers, I could kill for some concrits :P


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cheesiness intensifies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking so much about ways I could change this chapter. Too much happens at once. But my ideas were lame so I pretty much left it as it was written two years ago.

_So I was about to_ _enter_ _my room, but I stopped_ _because the room next to m_ _ine_ _was open and I could hear the voices of a conversation so of course, I decided to stay and listen. I knew it’s rude but I had more important things to do than give a damn, like, trying not to die, you know. I recognized a voice, it was Pyro’s mumbling_ _, followed by_ _Engie’s_ _answer_ _._  

_“I told you, Pyro! Whenever you see Scout, just ignore him!”_    
 _So after this, obviously, I became curious._    
 _“I’ve already restarted that damned machine more than a hundred times since then, you know I can’t do anything else._ _Yes_ _. Okay_ _, maybe I’ll check it out once more when I have some time on my hands. There’s no need to worry. Remember what Heavy said, right? Good.”_    
 _Then again, Pyro mumbled something I could only wish to understand._    
 _“Ghosts? For god sake, Pyro! I told you – ghosts are not real! They don’t exist. That old man is just running around, yelling ’poltergeist’ whenever there’s an air blast in the room. If you see anything more into the situation than what it really is, it’s just your imagination. Now, if you excuse me, I have to fix this thing for the next battle.” I saw Pyro walking the other direction,_ _mumbling something,_ _calling for me I guess_ _but I wasn’t in the mood for a chit-chat with him. A ghost. First I didn’t want to think about it but when I considered it, it actually made sense. Hell, it explained a lot of things! My legs finally gave up and I landed on my ass. I just sat there, pushing my back against the door, thinking,_ _m_ _an, maybe I really became a ghost! Maybe this hunger, weakness and the pain in my back were just the consequences. What if I haunted them, I just couldn’t remember? No wonder they acted like that when they saw me. They must have been fed up with me! It made me angry though. Who the hell wanted to be a_ _friggin_ _’ ghost? I didn’t sign up for this shit! That was the first time I cried since respawn. I simply didn’t find a better way to release my anger. And the thought of losing Snipes forever just made me more depressed. Suddenly I had this urge see to see him, but I figured out that right now the best thing I could do is to stay in my room. I needed time and some privacy. Plus I didn’t want to meet the rest of the team, I felt guilty enough after seeing how messed up Heavy and the Doc was. So I thought, maybe I’ll hide in my room for a few days, think things through, and make a plan or_ _somethin_ _’. I finally gathered the strength to stand up but when I tried to open the door, it was locked. What the fuck? I never lock my room. Who the hell did this and why? I tried to kick it in but I was too weak to do it. Then I ran up and tried to break the door in with my whole body but I crushed my shoulder badly and my back started to ache again. I touched the wound to find my hand covered with blood. So I sat down again and let the pain be. I considered it as some kind of punishment for what I did with you guys, whatever it was. I almost fell asleep but then I heard my stomach rumbling. Can a ghost be hungry? Who knows? Nobody said that all the stereotypes have to be true. So I went to the kitchen, I mean I almost crawled into the kitchen and ate some random muffins I found in the fridge. Who keeps muffin in the fridge anyway? I realized I didn’t know what to do next. I couldn’t go back to my room, and I didn’t expect the others to help me either. So after a long hesitation I decided to visit_ _Sniper nevertheless. I wanted an explanation and if there’s a single person who’d still help me it was him. As I went outside, the cold wind grabbed my shirt and I felt like I could freeze into death in any moment_ _, except that I was already dead_ _. I collapsed three times on that little walk to his van but I didn’t give up -imagining the meeting with him gave me strength to keep moving. I knocked on his door several times because the first few attempts were so weak I was afraid he’d not hear them. There wasn’t a single voice coming from inside. I was left alone with the silence, listening to my own rapidly beating heart. I felt like I could collapse at any moment so I was holding onto the door_ _handle_ _; I grabbed it so tight my fingers turned white. I waited and waited. Then the door slowly opened and I saw him. You all know how was he back then, right? It was such an awful view. I barely recognized him. He was so pale compared to himself like he hadn’t even left his van for months. Oh god, he was so unhealthily thin_ _and_ _he let his beard and hair grow. He wore a plain t-shirt dirty as hell and boxers only. What I saw from his van was dark and messy, the only window closed with curtain probably drawn away. And the smell, oh the smell, I_ _dunno_ _what that was but it certainly made my stomach turn. I remember throwing up the muffins sometime later that day._    
 _“Hi.” I tried to smile but it was so heartbreaking to see him this way. “Can I come in?”  I took a step forward but he put his hand on the doorframe in front of my face, signing ‘no’. He looked around like he was searching for something or someone then he closed the door. I knocked again then put my head up against the door. I was weaker than ever and felt like being on a rollercoaster, always going up and down. My chest started to hurt too._    
 _“Please Snipes. Just… let me in and talk about it. Please! You can tell me anything, you know, right?” I said as loudly as I could but I had to stop to cough up some blood again._    
 _“Please! Whatever I did, I’m sorry, okay? This is what you_ _wanna_ _hear? I’m sorry!”_    
 _It was a rare occasion, me apologizing. I sat down on the two tiny stairs because I felt too weak for standing._    
 _“Please open up, just for a minute! Just tell me what happened, I’m so confused! Everybody’s acting so weird, like I was a ghost or_ _somethin_ _’!”_    
 _I heard some quite loud and gross sobbing from inside_ _. I’ve never heard or saw him crying before. I was_ _n'_ _t able to breathe normally anymore. I fought for every breath of air. “Why… you guys… act… like something terrible happened…. Why? How much… time spent… since my… respawn?” Then he finally opened the door._  

   
Sniper’s hand is shaking. As I look up at him, I can see he’s crying. It’s a different type of crying than the one from two weeks ago. It’s silent and calm, probably from the relief of having me next to him. But it's crying nonetheless - a cruel reminder of the weakness of a human soul. When he notices my glance, he forces a little smile on his face – the effort is so useless, his entire face has ‘sorry I’m crying’ written all over it.    
“You okay, dear?”   
“Yes, go on.” I don’t believe him, so I lean closer to him and start whispering into his ear.   
“Wanna end the storytime?”   
“What? No, of course not.”   
“Sure?”   
“Yes.” He takes a deep breath and tries to widen his smile. Bastard. 

   
 _“It’s been one and a half year, kiddo.”_    
 _I’ve never heard him speaking on this cold tone before. First I didn’t believe him. I wanted to tell him he’s lying and it can’t be one and a half year but even breathing needed too much effort. I just looked up at him, tears blurring my view. I felt desperate._    
 _“You should’ve learned crying won’t take you too far.” His voice was still_ _kinda_ _broken, full of pain, but way more determined than before. I began to cry even more heavily, hugging his legs like a maniac. Nothing_ _mattered for me anymore._    
 _“_ _I can’t believe it! Look at that! Can’t_ _ya_ _just leave me alone, bloody ghost?!” His voice, yelling mixed with crying, scared me._ _I’m not a ghost, I wanted to shout but only unarticulated mumblings and blood came_ _outta_ _my mouth. Then he did something unexpected. He lifted his left leg and kicked me in the head, making me letting his other leg go and falling into the dust, but before that, I bumped my back into the stairs which left me totally breathless. Then again he closed the door but this time it was silent inside. I didn’t want to believe what just happened. Was it really one and a half year? I felt empty and dead inside, like, I_ _dunno_ _, like a_ _soup can_ _Solly_ _just finished. I didn’t care anymore whether I’m dead or not. I_ _... I gave up. I d_ _idn’t want to stand up again and even if I wanted to, I was too weak.  I just laid there, body_ _shakin_ _’ like hell, every breath I took was pure pain in my throat and chest. My head puffed up from the kick, I couldn’t see properly with my left eye and I felt saliva flowing down from the corner of my mouth. For a moment I wanted to give up, to die already. But then I suddenly calmed down - guess that was the first moment when I felt death coming. I know it sounds rubbish, ’kay? But it’s true. I’ve never experienced_ _a_ _ny_ _thing like this before, I hadn’t knew what it’s like to die slowly, not that painfully and… and intensively as on the battlefield. I never had the time to feel death coming before. In a battle I usually just shot myself in the head if I couldn’t go on. But this was_ _somethin_ _’ totally different_ _._ _The sun had already disappeared from the horizon when I knocked again. I didn’t even sit up, just crawled on the thin stairs, keeping my upper body up with my elbows. There was no answer this time. I knocked again, louder, hoping that at least I’ll get his attention. My shirt was cold and wet and stuck to my back, from something which I assumed was my own blood._ _I was shaking harder and harder from the cold, so hard it was clenching my jaw._    
 _“Snipes. Can you… hear me? Please, one last time… listen to me. I don’t expect… you… to forgive me. I was gone for… a long time…”I remember that I had to take short breaks to cough up some blood or take a deep breath. I kept knocking on the door between words to fill up the silence._  

I don’t remember how much of it I could actually say out loud and how much remained in my mind but I wanted to say something like this:    
 _“I don’t expect you to forgive me, really, I was gone for a long time, it must have been horrible. I just want you to know that I didn’t do it in purpose. I’d never hurt you. I_ _dunno_ _what happened to you while I was away, geez I don’t even know what happened to me. But I know one thing: I’d do everything to undo it, I’d even die a hundred times more or let that bastard Spy backstab me for a thousand more though I’m still recovering from the last one…” I clearly remember laying down as my elbows couldn’t hold me forever. It needed too much effort to live._    
 _”I’d redo it if I could. Even if it meant that I can’t see you anymore, I’d do it, without thinking. I mean it when I say that I’d do anything just to make your sadness go away. I hate to see you this way.”  I_ _closed my eyes. By then I was sure I’m_ _gonna_ _die. I still_ _dunno_ _how but I felt it coming. I wasn’t shaking anymore, I felt warm and calmer than ever. Eventually I blacked out and you know the rest.”_    

I lift my head so I can have a look at the team. Pyro fell asleep, Spy and Solly already left sometime earlier, Heavy is making a grumpy face, Medic’s eyes reflect pure curiosity and regret, Engie just nods when our eyes meet, like he can understand what I’ve been through. And Demo… Is that tear in his eye? He must be drunk again. I turn around so I can look up at Sniper, and this time I not just glance at him. His eyes are red, though he is not crying anymore, a tiny teardrop got caught on his chin. He tries to hide his pain by looking away shamefully but it’s useless. The look on his face makes me wanna cry too. Damn Medic, I hate you so much for being right. I’m unstable, no, I’m a crybaby. I grab his back and bury my face into his shoulder until my eyes aren't teary anymore. He hugs me, even tighter than before and though I can’t see it, I can feel as he lifts his head. He continues the story exactly where I stopped, completing it with all the details I don’t know. 

_“After the knocking stopped, I opened the door, expecting to see you have vanished just like you always did. So when I found_ _ya_ _outside the van I was shocked. You were lying in the dust, right in the pool of your own blood, pale with lips purple an’ face stuffed where I kicked you. First I thought I’m having a damn nightmare or_ _sumtin_ _’. But then I noticed your chest rising and falling slowly. You were breathing, though just barely. Suddenly I realized, no matter how hard I wished it to be a nightmare, it was all real. You were alive. That was the moment when I lost my mind. Without thinking, I grabbed you and lifted you into my arm. Oh, love, you were light as a little bird and cold, so cold… I ran to Medic’s office but somehow I couldn’t open the door. Engineer got there just a few moments after me, he later told me that it was me, kicking the door of the office that woke him up. I must have had a shock because I don’t remember it. Anyway, he saw me, and without asking a thing just opened the door then rushed into the inner room to wake up doc. I stood there like a moron, crying, grabbing_ _yer_ _body tight, waiting. Medic came, still in pajamas, yawning, not so happy to be waken up. When he saw us, his eyes went wide. He pointed at you and I nodded so he rushed back to get his coat. I put your body down on one of those beds. I remember… well, I_ _ain’t_ _wanted to leave you but soon I found myself outside, nose bleeding like a fountain.”_    
“Well, yes, sorry ‘bout that, buddy. I had to punch you in the face to make you get yourself together. Medic and myself couldn’t get you outta the room otherwise, you went hysterical.”   
“I guess I deserved that blow, Engineer.” He nods towards Hardhat before he continues to talk directly to me.   
“I was told to have a shower and the doc promised me he’ll let me know if anything happens. Showering wasn’t a bad idea, I was covered in blood. Sweet lord, I wonder how any blood could remain in ya after losing so much outside the van and still bleeding when I lifted you up - my whole shirt and waistcoat were soaking and I had some even on my pants.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, part four, more explanation. I gotta study so I uploaded it earlier. The last chapter'll be a bit different, I wrote it just to cheer myself up, hope you don't mind some fluff :) And again, thanks for reading!

“ _Na_ _dann_ _,_ is this the part where I continue storytelling?” Medic asks. I turn around to face him. I’ve stopped crying but I feel so giddy, I have to grab Snipes’ arm.   
“Go ahead, doc.” my voice is weak but I can still put some firm in it. He nods at me in exchange like he wants me to know that it’s okay if right now I can’t be the Scout I usually am.   
“You gave me quite a lot of work, boy.” I can’t help but smile. I always give him a lot of work. Once he had to sew back my toes, one by one. After a while he was so fed up with it, that I had to warn him not to sew back the last one upside down.   
“You lost about thirty percent of your blood, had Hypovolemic shock, internal and external bleeding, were malnourished and starved for two days… You don’t hear me saying this often but it was a _miracle_ you were still alive when Sniper found you. You lose less than ten percent more of your blood and you are gone. And who knows if the respawn system picked you up then, huh? That machine was and is unstable. We don't even understand your current situation. We were trying to figure out what happened to you with Engineer since the day you came back, and it was only yesterday when he told me he had a theory. Of course, after hearing your version I think I can call it confirmed. The thing is, in your case respawn didn’t happen completely.”   
“Whaddaya mean?”   
“We are not sure about the details yet but most likely the cause was the large amount of time spent between your death and respawn. Herr Engineer could put it into words better than me.”   
“The system had to not only heal the wound but it also had to restore those parts of the body which had already been...  _rotte_ _n_ _away_. It simply didn’t have the capacity to heal you to a healthy state.”   
“Yes, this is the most possible reason. Of course we cannot prove it yet, that would require further examination. But since we buried the body, it-“   
“You did what.” I try to ask but I am so surprised, it simply doesn’t come out as a question.   
“We buried it.” On my biggest surprise, Spy is speaking _._  

_Took almost a whole month to convince Sniper though. It has started to decompose and smelled and looked terrible. Medic would’ve been more than happy to presume it but I managed to talk him out of it. Our dearest sharpshooter couldn’t have taken it. He didn’t say a word but the look on his face was unmistakable. So we had a funeral instead._    
“Weirdest funeral I attended in my whole life. You know, we never had one before on the battlefield.” Engie adds.   
“Geez, can we change the topic please?”    
“Yes, sorry, Junge. Where were we?” Medic continues.  

_I sent Sniper out. It is not like I could not treat a simple shock and mental breakdown but your case was an emergency. He could wait. Yes, it could have been much easier to let you die and then watch the respawn system do its job but it making a mistake again was a risk I could not take. So I asked Engineer to stay and help and actually to donate some blood._  

   
“And I was glad I could help.” Damn, how does he know I wanted to complain when I opened my mouth? Fucking psycho.   
 

_We didn’t trust the system anymore after, well, your ‘death’. After the funeral we couldn’t help but wonder what if we will be the next ones? Every day became so precious. It changed our lives completely. We took up hobbies, did some important or personal activities and you know, tried to live a normal life the best we could in the middle of a war.”_    
   
“I see, I see.” I send him an impatient glance. Get to the point, dammit. I really want to raise my voice but then resist it. Guess they’ll never appreciate the effort.   
“That’s why I ain’t seen a soul, right?”   
“Yes. You were lucky Sniper and Engineer were around.”   
“Speaking of which, tell me Hardhat, do you know why I couldn’t respawn before that? I heard somethin’ like you been fighting with the respawn for quite a long time.”   
“Yes, yes, it’s a hard nut to crack. To be honest” he let out a little chuckle, “I still have no idea how I brought you back.”    
“That, that sounds nice.” As a response for this comment, Medic sends me a warning look. I sigh.    
“No more sarcastic comments for the day, Doctor’s orders?”   
“Scout, please behave!”   
“Okay, okay I’m sorry, Doc.”   
“I actually know what happened to the respawn system just after the battle. It took a while to figure out but-“   
“Please tell me, I really wanna know.” I earn a low grunt for my impatience from Medic.   
“The RED Spy sapped it.” Engie sounds a bit pissed. I want to raise my voice as I feel the anger burning in my throat.   
“That fucker-“ I wanna say but Medic cuts me with a waving of his hand.   
   
 _Heavy and Demo saw me walking around, asking for the key of the room where the whole machine is stored. At the same time, I was setting apart my teleport a few miles away. When we noticed the opened door, it was already too late. The damage was fatal, and I couldn’t understand the mechanism enough yet to find a way to bring you back. But I didn’t give up. I consulted a lot with Medic, trying to understand the method and the mechanism behind the ‘miracle’ of respawn. As you know, it wasn’t me who invented the whole thing, so I needed to gather information to understand it, to know every parts and stages before I could start repairing it. It took most of my free time, in the first three months I even slept in that room. After tons of failure, I think I won’t forget the first time it worked perfectly. Well, almost perfectly. I was checking out the backup files when I heard your voice. I turned around and you were there. I was so shocked, I even dropped the glove I was holding in my hand. Though I hadn’t given up, I still not expected to succeed after so long. But I did, and you were standing there, seemingly healthy, asking what’s happened. I brought you back to the base. Since your accident, we were not allowed to use_ _Teufort_ _so it was empty most of the time; the only one who kept coming back was me. So it was you and me, sitting in the car. I explained everything on the way. For god’s sake, it had been almost half a year since the funeral so needless to say, everybody was so happy when I brought you back and it made me forget my original intent which was to run some tests. I wish I had checked everything before, but I didn’t - I was so distracted by the presence of you. But it turned into a nightmare as soon as you were brought to Medic’s office for a routine examination. We found out you were just a projection. No physical body. A ghost, one might say._  

He takes a meaningful glance at Pyro and Medic.   

_After I managed to explain it to everyone, I went back to reset the main computer, hoping it would delete the projection. It had no use. It was there again_ _after the restart_ _, acting like nothing had happened. So I restarted the computer, again and again. After a while even turning the whole thing off didn’t help, the projection was still there. Poor fella, being a projection, still had feelings, memories, and a consciousness. He talked and acted just like you_ _did. It didn’t take it well, its memory being deleted again and again. Every time I did a restart and it appeared, it acted just like you did when I brought_ _you_ completely _back – asking questions, being angry because of the helplessness of its situation. Now imagine that happening to us countless times, throughout a whole year; needless to say, it drove us mad. No offence, but with the personality you have, well, let’s say, sometimes we really needed patience when we were near you. After a while, we started to ignore it.  I think Sniper could take it the longest. By this time, we knew about your relationship. Okay, not everyone, I was the one who came up to Sniper personally, asking him to clarify some things because Medic, Spy and I were already suspicious. He surprised me with telling me everything - how he missed you, maybe more than any of us, how he thought that even this shadow of you is better than nothing. After learning about you two, I felt even worse, knowing that you were still… dead. That_ _a projection_ _was the closest I could ever get to bringing you back._  

He lets out a heavy, really-full-of-sadness-and-other-deep-shits type of sigh. And I thought it was bad for me. Well, if it was bad for me, then it musta been terrible for ‘em. I look away, feeling guilty.   
“Anyway, after that, I only went back to Teufort once or twice a month. Now of course, I spend more time there again. I still haven’t figured out what changed, basically, what brought you back, so maybe this week we’ll-“   
“Engineer.”   
“Yes?”   
“ Thank you.” Everybody knows I’m not really the grateful type. I suddenly feel five pairs of eyes staring at me. Shit, in any other situation, a little attention is always welcomed but now, in the middle of a soppy scene, with a quite instable Sniper by my side, I especially hate it.    
“You are welcome, kiddo. When I saw this guy with you in his arms, sobbing like a little toddler, I didn’t hesitate, I reacted on instinct. And when Medic said that I’ll have to donate some blood, I was more than glad to help. Hah, the look on your face, you should see it. It was worth it, every drop of blood I gave, every day I spent on that machine. Do you know why? Because you are here again with the team. And you gave back our grumpy sharpshooter. Life was, and still would be hella dull without you.”   
“Shut up, Hardhat, you are embarrassin’ me!” Now I’m pretty sure I’m gonna blush. Damn it. I quickly bury my face into Snipes’ shirt. He pets my shoulder in exchange and let out a deep, little chuckle.   
“Well, I think we should call it a day. Got any other questions, Scout?” Hearing my name, I turn my face towards Engie.   
“I dunno, my head is full of new info. Wait, I got one. How come you never replaced me?”   
“We did, actually.” Spy is speaking again. I don’t know when he got back here, maybe he didn’t even leave. He sounds tired. Or maybe he’s pretending it because he’s got enough and wants to leave. I’ll never know. It ain’t helpin’ that I don’t see him.    
“There was a redhead boy, even younger than you – I could tell just by looking at him – from Manhattan. We couldn’t take him for more than two weeks. He reminded us of you too much. We asked him to leave.”   
“Oh. Well, this is awesome.”   
“ _What_?!”   
“That you still managed without a scout.”


	5. Epilogue

Having done our evening routine, we’re finally laying in bed. As every other thing, that needed some practice too. I never imagined returning to our normal life will be so hard for Snipes. He hadn’t had a routine when he was alone and needed time to get back into it again. I tried to pick a time when the showers were empty so we can get ready for bed at our own pace. In the first couple of days he didn’t find his place, he just stood there awkwardly while I was having a shower or brushing my teeth. By now he is used to it, we kinda synchronized our things. He still stops sometimes and just stares at me like he hasn’t seen me before. I never told him that I noticed it. But now that he seems to be alright, it’s easier for me as well. Sometimes I even catch him smiling or playing small jokes on me. One day when he came out of the shower and was heading for the bedroom, he slapped my ass which made me choke on the toothpaste in surprise. Then I heard this little, deep laughter so I threw my toothbrush after him, yelling that it’s not funny, but he was faster and it landed on the floor. We also moved into my room. We tried to sleep in his van but after half an hour, I asked him to move his bed from his unused room on the base into my room, because I just couldn’t take the smell in his van without my stomach turning.  

 So now when we lay in our beds next to each other and enough time passed for me to assume he’s sleeping, it takes me by surprise that when I turn to my side, I feel his arm on my waist, pulling me closer to him.   
“Can’t sleep?” I ask him between two yawning.   
“No.” he answers and I‘m waiting for an explanation but there’s none. The only thing he does is turning my upper body a bit so now both of my shoulders touch the bed and I’m facing the ceiling. He places his head on my shoulder and I’m quite jealous cuz he doesn’t even have to move that much, the lanky bastard.   
“Hey, don’t worry about me.” He kisses my neck which is supposed to calm me down but it ain’t in the slightest. After seeing him in such a terrible state, I can’t stop worrying about him. He kisses my neck again then just lets his head rest there like he wouldn’t have any idea how feeling his warm breath on my skin turns me on. Now that I think about it, guess both of us need some distraction. I quickly turn around and crawl on him. Suddenly I’m kneeling, my legs around his, giving him the most cheerful smile I’m capable of, hoping he sees it in the moonlight.    
“You know, we could do much more interesting things than sleeping…” I lean down to kiss him greedily and hard, feeling his warm breath. He kisses me back, playing with my tongue, but in the next moment he grabs my arm and ends the kiss. I lean back and open my eyes. The look on his face makes me feel ashamed; I quickly sit back to my previous place and start studying my legs.    
“Sorry, I’m just… It was a tough day. I don’t think I can…” he doesn’t finish the sentence, just strokes my back instead.    
“It’s okay, dear. Things like this can wait. It’s more important-“   
“You said that again.” he interrupts me. He barely interrupts me. I turn to look at him and he shows me this little smile.    
“What?” I ask but that just widens his smile. Oh God, that smile, I can’t stop staring at it, wishing it remained on his face forever. I’ve rarely seen him smiling since my respawn. He smiles a lot indeed, but most of them are fake. But not this one. It’s sweet as maple syrup, full of kindness and pride. He knows that I have no idea what he meant and he’s enjoying every moment of it.    
“You called me _dear_. You never called me that before… before the thing.”   
“Oh. Did I really call you that?”   
“Yes. You also called me dear when we were sitting next to the fire. Didn’t you notice?”   
“No. I’m so sorry. You know, Ma used to-“   
“Don’t be.” he interrupts me again. “Yer cute.”    
What? Did he really say what I think he said? I try to hide my fairly embarrassed face by burying it into his shoulder.    
“You have changed.” he says and I don’t answer immediately because I’m too busy enjoying his voice coming from this close. But the sentence sounds so dramatic it makes me curious.    
“Really?”   
“Yes. You seem more relaxed, we can actually lay in bed, doing nothing without you complaining about it. But yer so wary now too, always worrying that you could mess things up any moment.  Also, you said you love me like four times in two weeks, not counting the little speech you couldn’t even finish.”   
“What? Is there a rule I can’t say it?” I say, still leaning onto him, arms crossed.    
“Don’t ya dare to think you didn’t change, Snipes! You are so overprotective; you have this urge to hold me all the time like I’d disappear the moment you let me go. Thought I won’t notice it, didn’t ya? I’m just polite and shut up ‘bout it ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt you.”   
“Told you, you’ve changed.”   
“Shut up!” I reply immediately. I lift up my head to see him. Yep, I was right, he is smiling.    
“Is it really that bad?”    
Upon seeing my worried face, he pets my head gently.    
“No, not at all.” Now he is the one who starts the kiss. This one is different than mine, it’s slow and patient. As soon as I do it, I regret closing my eyes. It makes me realize how sleepy I am.   
He ends the kiss with another gentle smile before he lies down.    
“G’night.”   
“Good night, dear.” I mumble but I wait with sleeping ‘til I know for sure that he’s not awake anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the fluff I promised. I hope you enjoyed reading the fic. Thanks for all the kudos, I didn't expect my work to be so popular, you cannot imagine how happy you made me :P I'm planning to write another sniperscout fic (for those who've looked up my tumblr: yes, it is Speechless.) after I'm done with my exams and I have an idea for a sniperspy too but don't rush that far yet :D

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit I forgot how cheesy the whole thing was


End file.
